As I'm approaching my FABULOUS 30th BIRTHDAY (I'm sooo owning my age), I can't help but to observe my surroundings, and when I say surroundings, I mean the people around me, and think to myself...."Where do I fit in with these people"? I feel I mesh well with my coworkers and we are all pretty much like family with one another.
My own family? We love one another. We have our dysfunctional moments. I can't wait to spend Eternity with them! I just need to be able to be the "REAL DEAL STEF" around them. That would include being just as goofy and upbeat around them as I am with my friends and coworkers who I see on an everyday basis. Maybe I'm a little more closed off to my own family than I would like, which is so dumb cause my family is so open and goofy to say the least. I'll definitely work on that!
School doesn't really apply to me since I'm not a student anymore, but I guess I could apply "school mom" title here. I defintely feel more of a connection with the teachers and staff at my daughter's current school than I did with her pre-school. Now this situation is a "no brainer" seeing that her preschool was 40 mins away from where I live and work, due to her father's douchebagness, but we won't get into that.
Sooo...onto the next grouping...church. I love my church friends! Here I am a single mom of two kids (ages 5 & 6), attend Sunday School with other singles, and then finish up with a class full of amazing women from the whole congregation. I don't know if it's because I exclude myself, or cause I work full time, or because of my schedule with the kids (50/50 custody), or because I'm not married, or because I am not approachable (which I don't think is the case), but I am just at this weird in between spot where I can socialize with the singles, but.....(I don't even wanna say it, but here goes...) may feel a little left out from the awesome mommy group and not know how to fit in with all of the moms there. THERE! I said it! It's out in the open! Have at it!
I'm not looking to receive anything from this post, but one thing that I DO NOT want from this is an outpouring of bull crap, insincere sympathies. I see these sassy girls, with not a hair out of place, stylin & profilin', while doing their daily mom duties alongside a multitude of other moms in the same boat. I'm jealous! THERE! I SAID THAT TOO! Who knows, maybe they are jealous of my time at work and the ability to "escape to adult conversation" for a bit. NAAHHH. They have the other moms to talk to about stuff like that.
After writing all of these thoughts and feelings, maybe the real meaning behind this post is not about groups of people and cliques, but more so, the want of feeling a sense of belonging and love. Everybody wants to be loved and wanted. I do know that no matter where my place is within society, my most important place is within my own family, and even though it's small and without a husband, it's NUMERO UNO!
I just need to stop worrying about who found and made what on Pinterest, during their cute mommy/baby playdates and focus on how to get to where they are. Number one step would to rely more on our Heavenly Father. He knows our hearts and our wants, and I need to completely turn that over to Him. He knows that I want a hunky, sweet, Preisthood-holding man as a husband, to be able to be a stay at home mom and raise my children and to give them warm meals throughout the day, with endless sides of hugs and kisses. Right now a "warm meal" consists of a warm can of raviolis (and an endless side of hugs and kisses) due to not enough time in the day, but Pinterest is helping me find faster meals! ;-) I promise I won't bring up Pinterest again....BUT, I will say it's FABULOUS!!
If nothing else, I hope that with the ramblings that I've said spoke out for someone else, other than myself. Our Father in Heaven does want the very best for us and wants each of us to be happy beyond belief, so I just need to remind myself of that more each day! We all need to be reminded more often that we are loved!
Love you all!! (Even the Haters)!! XOXO
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